So you’re exhausted. Your baby isn’t sleeping, you’re not sleeping, and you’ve come to the conclusion that it might be time to consider a little sleep training. Between Google and local moms on Facebook, you’ve probably heard tons of conflicting information. So I’m here to break it down: What is sleep training and what are your options?

What is sleep training?

Simply put, sleep training is the process of teaching your child how to fall asleep on their own. Before starting sleep training, some children might not know how fall asleep independently at all, some might know how to fall asleep at bedtime but not back to sleep during the night, and vice versa.

“The need for sleep is biological, but the way we sleep is learned.” Sleep is a learned skill just like potting training, tying your shoes, or riding a bike.

There are many variables to consider when working to improve a child’s sleep; which is why it’s not as simple as just deciding on a method you found online (we’ll get to that in a bit).

When sleep training, you need to consider all things such as: Timing, wake windows, schedule, nutrition, physical activity, developmental milestones, negative sleep associations, positive sleep associations, sleep environment, age of the child, temperament of the child, and comfort level of the parents.

Timing, wake windows, and schedule

I always say that the first step in the right direction when sleep training is to follow age-appropriate wake windows or an age-appropriate schedule. Since your baby is constantly growing and developing – you might even need to consider tweaking their schedule every couple of months.

It’s important to add that every baby and toddler is unique; some have higher sleep needs, while others have lower sleep needs. You should be using age-appropriate wake windows or schedules as a guide, but still paying attention to your child’s cues so that you can determine if they are on the lower end, right in the middle, or on the higher end of the averages.

As a resource to parents, I have FREE age-appropriate sample schedules for children age 0-3. You can find a sample schedule for your child’s specific age range HERE.

Sleep associations

What is a sleep association? It’s anything that your child needs to associate with sleep!

There are negative sleep associations and there are positive sleep associations. Negative sleep associations are anything that your child requires to fall asleep that they need you for… like feeding, rocking, holding, popping a pacifier back in, laying beside them, etc.

Positive sleep associations are things like… a swaddle, a sleep sack, white noise, or a dark room.

Identifying your child’s sleep associations is an important step of the sleep training process. If your child has any negative sleep associations, that is exactly what we’ll be working to eliminate while sleep training.

What are your options?

There are many sleep training methods that you can choose from; it’s important to give it some thought and decide on the best method for your entire family. I’m going to list some of the most commonly used sleep training methods starting with the most gentle and working my way up. I’ll be very clear on my thoughts of each method and let you know what you can expect.

Just Sit

This is by far the most gentle sleep training method you can use; but it’s not for everyone. Just Sit is a method that is intended for newborn babies as part of “sleep shaping” before formal sleep training begins, or as a stepping stone for anxious parents as they gradually work their way towards a different method.

With Just Sit, you do just that. Sit in a chair and hold your baby until they fall asleep. Once asleep, you would transfer baby to their crib. This will eliminate a feed to sleep association or even a rock to sleep association, but then of course creates a hold to sleep association – which is why it’s generally only used for newborns or as a stepping stone into another method.

Pick Up / Put Down

I hear from many parents who have tried the Pick Up / Put Down method and didn’t receive the results they were looking for. Often, this method tends to be too engaging and even confusing for the baby. I don’t typically suggest this method to families that I work with, however if the parents insist on trying this method, I am happy to support them through it.

Here’s how it works… With this method, the parent will put baby down in their crib fully awake. If baby immediately gets upset, the parent can pat them to calm them. If the patting doesn’t work, the parent can pick baby up until calm. You will repeat this process until baby is asleep: picking up if necessary, then putting back down, but being sure to always put them down while still fully awake.

Shush / Pat

This method is similar to Pick Up / Put Down in the way that it starts; however, it’s advised not to pick baby up at all with this method. With this method, you will stay next to your child until they fall asleep.

To start, you’ll put baby down in the crib fully awake. If baby gets upset, you’ll shush loudly and pat them until calm. But again, it’s important that you remember to stop shushing and patting before baby falls asleep! You’ll continue this process until baby falls asleep. Over time, you’ll decrease the amount of support so baby gets more comfortable falling asleep without the shushing and patting.

Chair Method

The Chair method is also sometimes known as the Fading method. This takes time… you can expect to see some improvements within a few days, but the entire process can often take a full two weeks or more.

During the first few nights, you’ll place a chair next to the child’s crib or bed. You will sit in the chair until they fall asleep, offering some pats or shushing if needed to calm them down. After a few nights, you’ll move your chair to the middle of the room. You can still shush if needed, but not patting. After about a week, you’ll move your chair to their bedroom. After a few nights in the doorway, you’ll move the chair into the hallway but still in the child’s sight. And finally, you will move the chair in the hallway but out of sight. You can still offer the occasional shush, or pop your head in, if necessary.

Ferber

This is a very common method that parents like to try when sleep training – it can be modified to your comfort level. You’re still offering support to your child during this method, however you will stay out of the room and only go into the room for a “check” at timed internals. I’m honestly not a fan of this method. I feel this method can be confusing for the child and can also interrupt the child when they are in the process of falling asleep.

You’ll start by putting your child in their crib or bed, say goodnight, and then walk out of the room. You will set a timer at however many minutes you choose to start with (usually 3 or 5 minutes to start). If the child is still not asleep once the timer goes off, you’ll go into the room and do a quick “check” to reassure them that you’re still there, then you will leave the room again. You’ll reset the timer but for a couple minutes longer this time. You will continue this process until the child falls asleep, gradually increasing the number of minutes on the timer.

Extinction

The extinction method is also known as “cry it out”. With this method, you will say goodnight, leave the room, and not return until morning. You will not return to their room matter what response or actions or child has.

I can help!

Are you feeling unsure about which method would be best for your family? Do you feel like NONE of these methods sound like a plan that you actually want to stay consistent with? I can help you!

When I work with families, I create sleep plans customized to their situation, wants, and goals.

I even have my own method that I love to use with many of my clients.

Not only will you receive a customized plan with step by step instruction on how to handle daytime naps, bedtime, middle of the night wakes and more, you will also receive 2-weeks of unlimited text support with me during the process.

The personalized approach along with my high level of support is what makes my clients reach their goals in less than 14 days. I have a 100% success rate with the families that I support.

Ready for a change?

If you’re interested in learning more about my sleep consulting program and how I can help you, feel free to send me a message or schedule a free 15 minute consultation call.

I’m looking forward to better sleep in your near future!